


Bad Bitch Club

by TreeDaddyD



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Bitch Sorting Hat, Crack, Fanart, Gen, Meme, The Sorting Hat is having none of Harry's Shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:42:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24415312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreeDaddyD/pseuds/TreeDaddyD
Summary: "Your edges too weak for gryffindor."
Comments: 18
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ;)

The sorting hat was placed on Harry's head and Harry felt nervous. 

_Please not Slytherin,_ Harry repeated in his mind, _anything but Slytherin_. 

_Where do you want to go then?_ the sorting hat asked. 

_Maybe_ , his gaze landed on the Gryffindor table. _Gryffindor_? 

_Anywhere else? Your edges too weak for Gryffindor. You'd do well in Slytherin. Since the fall of the dark lord, their edges have also been a mess._

Harry instinctively reached for his head. It wasn't that bad, was it? 

_Yeah, it is. Here, tell you what, I'll put you in Hufflepuff. Trisha's cousin know how to help people like you._

_Trisha's cousin_? he thought. 

_Her name is Karen the third. You can't miss her. She's the baddest bitch in Hufflepuff with long ebony dark hair with purple streaks and rid tips. Me and her go way back._

He looked over at the Hufflepuff table and sure enough, she was definitely a bad bitch. Her edges were the most laid of any house. There was no doubt - Harry needed to be in Hufflepuff.

Harry needed to learn. As the defeater of the dark lord, everyone expected him to be the baddest bitch of them all. He needed to prove to everyone that he was that bitch. Still that bitch. And definitely been that bitch. 

_A great future awaits you then_. "Hufflepuff!" the sorting hat yelled. 

Harry was ready. With the help of Karen the third, nothing would stop him now. 

He would be the baddest bitch of them all. 


	2. Chapter 2

"First thing's first - do you know how to flex?" Karen the third asked him. 

Flex as in muscles? He wasn't buff - quite skinny in fact. If he needed to be buff to be the baddest bitch, he wasn't sure he could do it. 

"I'm not muscular."

Karen the third laughed. "So you don't know, good. I'll teach you how to flex the right way." She paused then pulled out a watch with so many diamonds it made his head spin. "This is my first gift to you. Here's some ice. Straight up G shit. Snape has been bothering you hasn't he? Flash him this watch - flex on a motherfucker - it'll shut him up." 

"What do you mean? It's just a watch. I don't know how it'll shut him up..." 

She rolled her eyes. "'Just a watch' - and I'm just a regular girl and not the baddest bitch in this school. You're going to take a lot of work, aren't ya? Well, luckily I'm patient. This isn't just any watch, this has enchantments. Everyone will be blinded by the power of it. Flexin is an artform that you must master if you want to be the baddest bitch. That is, if you still want that." 

Harry nodded feverishly. Of course he wanted that. He needed it. To truly be the baddest in this school - no, in the world. 

She handed him the watch and the power of it buzzed along his skin. 

He felt more powerful than ever before. This was a feeling he could get used to. 

Snape won't know what hit him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so self indulgent lmao. 
> 
> Next Chapter: Harry flexes on Snape and it doesn't go as planned. 
> 
> Reviews and kudos are greatly appreciated. 
> 
> My tumblr is treedaddyd.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Might fuck around and write more of this if ya'll interested. 
> 
> Tbh I love the idea of Karen the third being ebony dark'ness dementia raven way but as the master of death. She's decided to do things over again and was sorted into Hufflepuff this time and go by her birth name that was given to her by her mother - Karen the second. 
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr: treedaddyd.tumblr.com


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